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Tuesday, November 29, 2005 No-one to blame but me.... Well I don't know if it was because I was extremely run down or what yesterday but I let myself down big time. I started the day off fine with 45 sit-up, 20 push ups and my arm exercises. Had good breakky, good lunch. Then mid afternoon I was just feeling blah. Hadn't had the best of days as it was. So what did I do to make myself feel better? Go for a good walk, do some exercises, NOOOO. Had a small block of chocolate, you betchya. Now I feel totally rotten. The scales were going to be bad as it was, but that wouldn't really help at all. I think I will be back to where this challenge started on Friday but all I can do is start again. I can also feel that my body is missing all the good stuff and exercise. I just feel blobby, if you know what I mean. So the sooner I get back on track the better. Well just a short and sweet one today. Hope you are all well. 
I need a break! I am so exhausted from the last 3 days that I need 2 days break to recover. I WISH! I'll start at Friday. Weighin was good, 78.3, a 1.3kg loss. (how much of that I still have is another question) Spent Friday morning running around getting things for Kelly's graduation ball this week and stuff for Bethany's dancing dress rehersal. Couldn't find the wig she needed anywhere. Got home at 1.30pm and got her down for a nap. Made a couple of phone calls and found a place in the city with the wig we needed but I had to go to Kellys Graduation assembly that night so we had to leave an hour earlier so I could get it. That meant we had just 2 hours to get Mum, Kelly and me ready. Out the door again and 3.45 (we were running late). Got to the dance place, got the wig and got to the Hall at 5.15pm. Were seated at 6.15pm and assembly started at 7.00pm. Assembly finished at 9.45pm and came home, stopping for takeaway as we were starving (Hadn't eaten since 1.30). That was Friday! Saturday, had Bethany at dancing at 9.30. Picked her up at 10.30. Back at the hall at 11.30 to get the tickets to her concert and home at 12.15. Waited for Pete's cousin to pick up some retic stuff. Got a phone call at 2.00 to say they wouldn't be there till 4.00. Dashed to Big W as I really needed a summer dressing gown for Bethany to wear over her costume but couldn't find one. Back home by 3.30pm. Rellies turned up at 4.00 and then we had to go back to their place so Pete could fit it all. A 45min drive later and we were there. Unfortunately the truck with the pump and stuff didn't turn up till 6.30. Pete spent an hour installing it all and we were off again home (in the middle of a massive thunder and lighning storm mind you) and home by 8.45 with takeaway for tea again. You still with me????? Then yesterday started off nice and relaxing. Just did some washing, the dishes and general cleaning. Had Bethany down for a nap at noon as she had to be at her dress rehersal (a 30 min drive away) just before 2.30. Spent an hour labelling all her stuff with her name and just making sure I had everything. Got her up at 1.15 and then the time just seemed to vanish. Got her hair done and some make up so I could get a photo of her in the costume she would wear when we weren't there and then changed her into the other costume that she had to arrive in. Loaded up the car and took off about 10mins late. Got her there 15 mins before she had to start. Put the rest of her makeup on, put her wig on and ran her in 2 mins late.    We then had to wait 3 hours to pick her up. We were starving so went and got some lunch (yep, takeaway again) and then drove to Pete's parent's place ( a 30 min drive away) it seemed like only 20 mins and we were off again to pick Bethany up. Got home at about 6.00pm and had dinner, an actual home cooked meal. And that was my weekend. So my guess is that the scales won't be happy with my efforts but I will just do what I can to fix it this week. I am now trying to catch up on everyone's journals. I am not avoiding you all, I promise, I have just been really busy. I will also start tracking again, I promise.
Busy, Busy My goodness, what a busy day yesterday was. It started with have to go to Bethany's school at 9 but I managed a boiled egg and piece of toast for breakky (healthier than the pancakes Pete was cooking). I bought her little uniform for next year, it's soooo cute! Then it was up to Pete's cousin's so he could check out things for a bore pump (exciting, not). On the way we stopped for lunch at Subway. Haven't had that since I found out I was pregnant (wasn't sure if their roast chicken breast was processed or not). So that was quite yummy. Stayed there for hours and then came home via BigW (looking for some hooks to finish hanging my Christmas lights). By then it was really late so Pete wanted takeaway for tea. Went to KFC and got a burger and small chips. Ate the burger and then started on the chips. They were so oversalted that it was disguisting. I thought to myself, why keep eating them, if I get hungry later have some fruit or something. So I stopped with just over half a box left. Then later in the evening I did get peckish, so I had a diet mousse. We got home an hour after dinner, so I even went for my 30min walk (3 DAYS IN A ROW, OMG!). Today I got up and have so far done 55 situps, 25 pushups, 15 dips and 2 x 10 reps of the arm exercises that Paulene recommended I do plus 1 x 10 reps of another arm exercise I was shown when I went for that 30 day free trial at that gym months and months ago. And Paulene, you were right, they do kill and I only managed 1 x 10 reps of each! But as with the other exercises I have been doing this week, I will increase, just slowly and surely. Speaking of gym, another gym just down the road from me is offering a free 30 day trial. I am thinking about doing it. Pete said "You don't know what the catch is" so I am going to call them today. I know 30 days isn't a long time and I probably won't be able to afford to join afterwards, but in 4 weeks, any extra weightloss is good. And I have 4 weeks and 3 days left to Christmas and hence my challenge so anything helps. Will think about it anyhow. Well that's enough rambling from me today. Suppose I had better do some work now.
Here I am again Well here I am again. 2 days in a row, this could become a habit. I finally made it for a 30min walk yesterday, the first time in weeks and it felt great, although last night my legs ached from that and a weekend spent going up and down a ladder doing Christmas lights. Today was a mixed up day. Pete's cousin, who was 8 weeks ahead of me with her pregnancy, found out she was having a girl. She already has 2 boys and was really hoping for a girl. I was so happy for her and as I planned weeks ago, as soon as she told me I went out and got the prettiest, girliest outfit for the baby. It was difficult going through the baby stuff, thinking of what could have been, but I did it and I am extremely happy for her. This afternoon, I went for another 30 min walk and did it in really good time. I actually did 2 complete laps of my 1.5km block and at a pace I haven't walked at in at least 2.5months. It felt totally awesome. As promised I tracked everything I ate today and have even started up a tracking page again. I have added the link to my list on the left. I consumed all 20 points today as I remember reading someone's journal not long ago about the importance of using all allocated points on most days to keep you metabolism working properly. There will be days I have lower points but not to the point of hurting all the work I am doing. I also used 2 points today with my exercise so ended up with a total of 18. Am going to Bethany's school tomorrow for an information morning on her kindergarden. I can't believe she is off to school next year. She can't wait! Well am feeling quite bushed now, am showered and totally ready for bed. Catch you all later.
Getting there Well, not the best 3 days have passed but with luck, I haven't gained. Friday I weighed in at 79.6kg, meaning I need to loose 4.7kg to get back to the 74.9 I was before the pregnancy. Was all set and ready to start on Friday but then got dealt more emotional news. First of all, I found out that an old friend (we were best friends in year 12) is pregnant! Not the best news to hear when you are already feeling low. Then later that day, I got a call from my brother (who hasn't had the best of years either with his marriage breakdown) to tell me that on December 17 he is moving to Sydney to live. You see, my mother is originally from Sydney and has 8 brothers and sisters there and they have heaps of kids and so on, so there is a real big family base there. Anyhow, one of my cousins has offered for him to go and live with him and work on his horse property and generally get away from everything here and sort himself out. So it's good for Steve, he really does need some timeout, but I am sad to see him go. We have been through so much together and it will be the first time in out lives where we will be more than a 30min drive from each other. But I wish him the best of luck and all my love. So, anyhow, both lots of news resulted in some bad eating on my part and kind of sucked the momentum out of me. That was until I read Janene's site this morning. Now I am more determined than ever to get my sorry butt back into action. I need a lift at the moment, and I know that seeing the scales start to move back down will give me just that lift to make myself feel good. Straight after work today, I am off to the shop to stock up on fruit, yoghurt and lots of good stuff. I want to start tracking my eating again but won't start until tomorrow as my cupboards aren't the best and didn't have a great breakfast this morning. I am going for a 30 min walk today or if I get too busy to get out the door, I will use the stepper tonight. I have done 40 situps, 15 pushups and 10 dips (doesn't look like much, but it's a start) and started on my water for the day. I have noticed now that I have brought out all my summer tops that I really need to work on my flabby arms, hence the dips that I am now doing. If anyone out there knows any more exercises to help get rid of flabby underarms, can you let me know? Well that is the long and the short of it. Actually, Janene has got me so pumped I am dying to get home and get started. Thanks Janene! Thats it for today. Hope you are all well.
Little Hiccup Ok, Ok, have had a little hiccup in my getting back on track plan. Was doing well up until yesterday, although still hadn't actually made it out for my first 30 min walk. Then yesterday I was feeling really flat and tired. I don't know if it was cause somewhere in my subconscious I knew it was a week ago that it all happened or just my body feeling run down from doing so much. So last night we splurged and had pizza. I hadn't had it in 10 weeks and enjoyed every mouthful I had. So the result will be not as big a loss as I had hoped. I know I did some damage over the weekend with the consumption of a lot of comfort food but as long as I am 79.9(what I was last Friday) or less, I will be happy. Today I am trying to keep myself fairly busy as I would have been going for my first antenatal appointment today and listening to the heartbeat for the first time. Am feeling kind of low but am determined to keep occupied. Will put up all my Christmas lights on the house this arvo and may finally venture out for that first walk. Tomorrow is weighin day and 5 weeks and 2 days to Christmas. I am setting myself a 5 week mini challenge to try and get down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 74.9kg. It will mean some hard work but I am determined to look good for Christmas and if I can do it, it will be the lightest I have been at Christmas in about 13 years. So that is my goal! Hope you are all having a good week.
Overwhelmed I am totally overwhelmed with all the well wishes from you guys. Having the support from you guys has helped me to get through this. When reading them I've smiled, I've cried but it has all helped. THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart. I think I have made it through to the other side now. I am wanting to get back to the way things were in September. So back to action! Yesterday I had planned to go for my first gentle walk. But at about 4.30pm something hit and I got up and started to do a mad clean. I vaccumed the floors, stripped our bed and changed our sheets and doona cover, did washing and hung it out. I said to Peter I think it was my way of wanting change. Anyhow, I was so exhausted after days of doing nothing, that I said I would skip my walk. When I went out to hang out the wash we raided the vegie patch. Bethany scored more cherry tomatoes and there are heaps more on the way. Our first strawberry has got colour and we sorted our carrots. Peter never thinned them out when they got bigger so they have grown all deformed. They look like they have legs and other appendages. We just laughed and laughed and it felt good. And today I feel even better. I am getting there. Today it is forecast to be quite a hot day of 32 degrees. So I think we might have salad for tea and I will go for my first walk today. I really want to go because I think it will do me good to get back to what I enjoy. But I don't want to go when it's too hot, so will wait for early evening. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I am keen to join you all and get back into action. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!
Long overdue update Firstly, I'd like to say a big thank you to all of you who have contacted me and given me lovely messages of support over the last week. I have now decided to show my entry from last Friday so those who did not end up getting the link can now read it. On Wednesday I started spotting. Enough to send me to the emergency department of my local hospital. After 2 hours I had blood taken to check my hormone levels and was sent home saying that after I had my scan on Monday to go to my local doctor. So yesterday I called the scan place and managed to change my appointment to yesterday afternoon instead. As the scan was done, I felt relief to see the little heart beating. But the words that came out of the operators mouth floored me. She said "there is no way that you are 8 weeks and 2 days, this baby is just 6 weeks." Now when I went 2 weeks ago I was told I was between 5 & 6 weeks and now she is saying I am just 6 weeks! It doesn't add up. When I had Bethany my last period was on the 20/9 and I was given the due date of 28/6. After yesterdays scan, my last period was on the 6/9 and I have just been given the due date of 29/6???????????????????? Now I am in total stress mode. How can this be? Why isn't it the size it should be? Is there something wrong? Is everything going to be OK? Is this why I am spotting? My head is running a million miles an hour and all I want to do is cry. Well everyone, last night I lost my little angel. The pains started at about 5.45pm but nothing really happened until about 9.15pm. Then it was up to the hospital, get pain pills, get sent home about midnight. I'm sorry but it is still really painful to think about. Peter has been so fantastic. He has had less sleep than me. I had to explain to Bethany today that the baby in mummy's tummy got sick and isn't there anymore. She asked if we could get another one. I said we will try. I actually managed the conversation without breaking down. There is so much running through my head but I don't want to burden everyone with negative thoughts and images. Just know that I will be OK. Am off to bed now to try to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Am trying to keep busy with normal things like Christmas shopping and stuff. Will also plan to start back on my weightloss journey ASAP. Just to give myself a sense of normality. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to pretend nothing has happened. I have grieved. I am still grieving and I will continue to grieve. It will hit me when the maternity top I bought on Ebay arrives. It hit me everytime I saw a new little baby today. But if I don't start to fill my days, my mind will explode. I just wanted to let you all know
Friday, Friday Morning all. Weighin this morning was 78.4kg, a 100g gain. Quite amazed considering what I have eaten this week. Now I hope you all understand but due to a couple of reasons, I have decided for this entry to keep it somewhat private. If you would like to read it, please tag me in my tagboard with your email address and I will send you details of how to read it. I hope you all understand and I wish I could go into it more, but at the moment I just can't.
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