A New Page

Blogger Problems

2006-02-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the delay, but as you may or may not have noticed, I am having issues with my blogger account.

I am making a new account with a new address. If you would like to continue on this journey with me, please send me an email to: bethanysmum2002@yahoo.com

and I will email you the new address.

I have also been having some problems with some annonymous comments being left, which is why I am not leaving a direct link to it here.

I would like to hear from as many of you as possible, as I would hate to lose loyal readers due to this change.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Hump day

2006-02-08T08:20:00.000+08:00

Well everyone it's hump day, the middle of the week, halfway there and so on.

I am still at it. Went for my walk yesterday and geez were my muscles complaining but kept going. It was hard like I had predicted. Not only due the the whinging muscles but due to the tummy cramps from my TOM which decided to arrive yesterday afternoon but I kept going.

Finished yesterday on 17.5 points. Was so proud of myself but then I blew it. I am tackling my TOM without my usual pain relief as it was reveiled the other day that the ibprofen in it is linked to miscarriages so I am steering as far a way from it as possible. So last night, on 17.5 points, I let the pain get to me and had 2 Tim Tams. So ended up 1.5points over for the night. Still better than consuming a block of chocolate, I think.

Am still battling the pain this morning but I will get through it.

Bethany has the flu (I hope, chicken pox starts with the flu too.) Before her symptoms started I had asked mum if she looked well because she had really big black circles under her eyes (eventhough she had had a 2 hour nap). Then she got a really bad runny nose and coughing last night. This morning it was like she had no energy and when I left she was on the lounge, curled up under a blanket watching TV. I felt so sorry for her.

I hope she is better this afternoon because she is due to go back to kindy tomorrow. She would be so upset if she missed going.

Well thats the long and the short of it. WOW, 3 updates in 4 days. This is becoming a habit.

On track

2006-02-07T08:31:00.000+08:00

Well here I am, day 3 on track.

The last 2 days I have finished on 20 points or just under and had 2 x 30min walks. Yesterdays walk was particularly hard. I didn't go until 7pm as it was 37 yesterday with thunderstorms due in the evening. When I went it was still 29 and the air was really thick and humid. It was really hard to breathe but I still went and I did it in a better time than the day before. I was stoked.

I know tonights walk might be harder and I really pushed it last night and I think my muscles are in shock but I am going non the less.

I have already planned most of todays eating with a boiled egg and a piece of toast for breakfast, nice banana for morning tea and stir fry with boiled rice for tea. That should roughly work out to 10 points, leaving 10 for lunch, afternoon tea and dessert. Am pretty happy with that.

Well just a short and sweet one for today, just letting you know that I am determined to have some serious success, at least for the next couple of weeks anyhow(famous last words).

Catching up

2006-02-05T15:20:00.000+08:00

Sorry, sorry, sorry for not catching up earlier. Logged off on Tuesday to get my results and was told I wouldn't get them until Thursday. So muddled through another 2 days to find out I'm not immune to chicken pox (Well I told the doctor that in the first place!)

So weighed in on Friday and have completely wasted the opportunity of this 12 week challenge. Four weeks have now passed and I am back to 80kg. A 1kg loss in four weeks.

Anyhoo, no complaining from me, it is all my own fault. My weakness this last week, no exercise at all (I tell a lie I think I went on Wednesday) and icecream, icecream and more icecream.

Fast forward to today and I no longer think I am pregnant (so that takes the chicken pox worry away) as I have started spotting. I am soooooooo relieved.

Over the last 2 days (since weighin) I have been mopping around feeling bloated, hot and miserable (maybe a smidge of PMS included?). So today I have tried to be good. Honestly. I had a boiled egg and 2 pieces of toast for breakfast. A WW frozen pizza for lunch and that is it. No snacks and absolutely no icecream. I have vaccumed the house, done the washing and half of last nights dishes and am now taking some time out. We are having a roast for tea and I may have a diet yoghurt for dessert. I will be good today!!!!!

I want to try for a walk today although it is extremely stinking hot. I even did 4 minutes last night on my mums stepper machine. I am going to get back on track!

There is 8 weeks left of Paulene's challenge and if I can lose 4 kilos it will mean a total of 5 kilos in 12 weeks. That's better than nothing.

I think discovering that I am not pg today has given me a kick in the pants. It means I can go hard for the next few weeks to make up for my last 2 weeks without doing anything that may become a problem.

And with the Biggest Loser starting in a week, that ought to motivate me some more.

So there you have it. I've stuffed up, recognised what I have done wrong and am over it, nothing more to say or mope about.

Now I am off to catch up with everyone else's journals. I am now back to being regular. A regular updater, regular reader and regular exerciser.

Oh, and just quickly before I go, my little angel started Kindy on Friday.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY?!?!?!?!?!

If it doesn't rain..it pours!

2006-01-31T12:50:00.000+08:00

Ok everyone, hold onto your hats, this is gonna be a doosie of an entry.

Important things first, Friday weighin saw a gain of 600g, back to 79.

Main reason for this: just haven't been eating right and haven't exercised since last Monday.

Well on from my entry of Wednesday, am still feeling funny in the tummy which has lead to serious pregnancy suspicions. The problem: on Thursday I got a call from my mum saying my sister had chickenpox. Great, haven't had chicken pox! Was with Kelly everyday since Monday so both Bethany and I am due to get them. Chickenpox in early pregnancy (if I am) very not good.

Called boss (who is in early stages of pregnancy) and let her know and also told her I can't go to work until Thursday as I have no-one to look after Bethany (mum had chickenpox when she was younger but only got about 3 dots. This time she woke up on Monday with 1 on her neck but thats it but thinks she has them). Don't think she was very happy but am also putting her first as I don't want anything to happen to her baby. Pete is taking Thursday off so I can go to work!

Was advised to go to doctors with my concerns. Have taken blood test (must ring in about 15mins to get result) to see if I am immune (I doubt it). If not all I can do is wait until next week to see if I am pregnant. If not, no probs. If I am then we got into panick mode and see what we can do.

TALK ABOUT STRESS!!! So mind hasn't really been on weightloss lately but am doing all I can to stop any further gain this week. May even try for a walk this afternoon but my stomach just doesn't quit. Geez I hope its just some kind of tummy bug. Not that I don't want to be pregnant but with this chickenpox problem, I'd rather not be...if you know what I mean.

Well that's enough for today. Must log off so I can get my results.

Catchya later

Not Well

2006-01-25T08:17:00.000+08:00

Well so much for getting back on track.

After my post on Monday I had a killer allergy attack. It was so bad I was sent home from work but by then my antihestamines did nothing. Didn't stop sneezing till about 7.30pm. So was feeling like utter poo. Had killer headache, my eyes were almost fused shut and I just couldn't be bothered going for a walk.

Yesterday woke up feeling like I had a tummybug. I had constant cramps. Felt like I either needed to throw up or do poos but neither would come. Resorted to chocolate while I was a work to try and settle my tummy. Worked for a little while but came back once I got home. Pete even cooked dinner (must have been bad) so the was full fat sausages and vegies. I only had 1. Missed yet another walk.

Today my tummy is still tender although I don't know why. Mum said maybe I was pregnant but I would only be a couple days if anything so I highly doubt its that.

So in summary have done absolutely no exercise since Sunday and have eaten total crap. Result: am expecting a gain this week and the sad thing is I don't have any energy at the moment to try and stop it. I just feel BLAH!

Depending on the tummy, might just go for a gentle stroll tonight (weather permitting) and then maybe try and do something tomorrow but I really can't see it doing much for me.

And the worst thing is it's getting me down because I was doing so well with this challenge so far. Lets hope its the only bad week of the 12 weeks.

Geez I sound like an absolute whinger!

Week 3

2006-01-23T09:03:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not updating sooner. The last few days have been pretty full on and when it has been quiet, I have rested as I actually feel exhausted.

Fridays weighin saw a 600g loss down to 78.4kg. Pretty happy when you consider on Monday I was 79.9!

I am still having problems with my weekends though. I mean in the last 7 days, I have only missed 1 day of walk and that was on Thursday so that's not so bad. On Saturday I even went for 2 walks, one in the morning and one in the evening. I didn't go madly over points. On Friday, due to some miscalculation, I went over by about 8. Saturday and Sunday I finished on about 19 each day. So come mid week weighin this morning and I am up about 600g. If I can loose about a 1kg from today I will still have a decent loss and get back to the 77's.

I have been thinking about my eating over the last 2 weeks of this challenge. Although I am keeping under points, I don't actually think I am making the best choices so I am going to start thinking about it more. For example I think I am eating too much bread (although we now eat multigrain). I have been having toast for breakfast (either with an egg, baked beans or on its own) and then having a salad sandwich for lunch. Today I am back to having cereal instead and then maybe having just a salad for lunch with a slice on its own. Difference: 3 pieces of bread down to 1. It's just these little changes that I think will help start shifting a little more weight.

Well must get back to work now. One of my bosses just came in and saw this screen up (I was distracted and was too slow to minimise it)so better get some work done.

Bye

Messing with my head

2006-01-19T08:34:00.000+08:00

You know how people say "don't weigh yourself everyday". Well I know most of us still sneak peaks, me especially. But I know why people say it. Cause it messes with your head!!!!!!!!!

Today was a perfect example. I snuck a peak yesterday morning and was extactic to see 78.5. I went and did my situps (am now up to 60) and push ups (am now up to 20). Had 18 points for the whole day and did a totally awesome walk which included about 70 metres of jogging (give or take a few meters).

Got on the scales this morning.... 78.6! WHAT THE?

So really must stop sneaking peaks on the scales (yeah right!).

With tomorrow being weighin day, at least suppose I am in for a loss and on Monday I was just going to be happy with a 100g loss so beggers can't be choosers I suppose.

Last Wednesday when I was out for a walk there was the most awesome sunset so I took some photos on my phone. They actually didn't turn out too bad so here they are,

That was a great walk that night. It just seemed to inspire me and made me feel calm and one with the world.

Well that's enough for today. Here's hoping for a good weighin for tomorrow.

In the swing

2006-01-18T08:19:00.000+08:00

Well, the results are in and I must say they weren't as bad as I thought.

I did my mid-week weighin on Monday and was up 900g from Friday. I was expecting 2kg so happy with that.

Have been finish on 19 points for the last 3 days and have walked everyday. My fitness is starting to return and my walk last night was awesome. It was the best walk I have done since falling pregnant in September. I was determined that if the fat wasn't going to burn off, I was going to wobble it off and geez I could feel it shake on my hips(LOL). After reading Jules journal today, I am even contemplating mixing some jogging back in like I used to when I hit that 72.9 mark way back last year.

I even got over a litre of water drank yesterday. Something I have not accomplished in simply ages.

I feel good. The only bad thing is when I weighin on Friday, the results will be from last Friday, not Monday so my loss will actually be 900g more but not offical. Am determined to make it as good a loss as possible.

Have also been doing some thinking on the baby front. Was thinking about postponing trying for a couple of months until my weight goes back down. Its just that as I seem to get back on track, that takes over. BUT THEN, I really want to start trying again. My boss came in on Monday and althought she is only just over 8 weeks, because she is so skinny, her tummy is showing already. That started me thinking and wishing, then yesterday, Bethany and I were driving home from mums and out of nowhere she says "We have to get you a new bubby for your tummy and then you wont be sad". I didn't realise she still had those memories in her. In fact she is more concerned about it sometimes than me. Everytime she sees a baby when we go out, she says "look a little baby" and then she waves at it and tries to get its attention. The other day she was jumping up and down infront of someones pram trying to get the baby to look at her. Pete had to stop her and explain that was scaring the baby.

SO I am going to start trying. Who says it will happen straight away (although it did with Bethany). If it does, well I just have to stop my challenge (again!) if it doesn't and it takes a couple of months, well then that is just extra weight lost.

So my present state of mind is I'm going to kick arse until I get pregnant. Make sense?

In damage control

2006-01-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

Well what was I saying last post about my wagon.

Weighin on Friday was great. A 2kg loss, back down to an even 79kg and determined to leave the 80's behind. Then TOM eating kicked in and I am absolutely sure that by last night I have undone all of my good work. Today I felt bloated, embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I don't know the exact damage for sure, I was too scared to check this morning so have been extremely good today. Will do mid week weighin tomorrow, check the damage and get back in action. It is now 9pm and I am shower and about to go to bed to get up for a 5am walk. I know, I have said I was going to do this for the last 2 weeks, but geez, I have got some serious work to do to undo any damage and try and get another loss for this week. At this stage, I will be stoked if I get and 100g loss.

I am also starting to look into aerobics classes and such that run while Bethany is at school. I do want to use that extra time to burn some extra calories.

The one highlight of this weekend is that I have done some serious work on my current scrapbooking album, I got 3 layouts done in 3 days. I now have 4 to go to finish this album.

Well, just a quickie for now to let you know that I stuffed up and have admitted it.

Yet more changes...

2006-01-12T08:29:00.000+08:00

OK, OK, OK, things are sorted now.

Unfortunately I have had to knock back the second job in the afternoons as they called and wanted me to do vacation cleaning during the day and I just couldn't do it considering I still have my old job. So now I am back to one job again. Now things don't really change here for about a month. On 9 Feb I will finish an hour early, on 16 Feb I will also finish an hour early, then I am on holidays for a week and then starting 27 Feb my hours will change to Mon, Tues, and Thurs 7.30am-11.30am and Wednesday will stay at 8am-1pm.

I am going to have some extra time on my hands that I don't know what to do with. Mondays and Tuesdays when I finish at 11.30, Bethany is at school from 12-2.30 so I have 2.5 hours to myself. I do my food shopping on Tuesdays so I am quite excited about being able to do it without her, she gets so bored. On Thursdays when I finish at 11.30 she is finished school but will have nap time and I will have the house to me and Fridays when I am off work she is at school for 3 hours. WOW. Am seriously thinking about going to the gym on at least one of my free days, like Mondays maybe and if possible every second Friday because Fridays will be the day I go to the school to help out so if I alternate it, it would be good.

Weightwise things are going well. TOM arrived yesterday and I still have pains today, just doesn't want to settle down. Still, I got myself out for a walk yesterday afternoon(the 5am thing failed again) and I must say it was a great walk until about the last 5 mins. I don't know if it was the heat or my TOM condition but I got really lighthead and woozy so had to take it really easy. As soon as I got in the door I downed 2 low fat bikkies and drank lots and then had a nice shower and felt great afterwards. I have now been for a walk 4 days in a row and have been on or under points for at least the last 3. Today we are having my newfound lowfat rice and stirfry recipe as tomorrow is weighin day and I want the results to be good.

Well tomorrow is the first weighin for the 12 week challenge and I am actually excited to see the results. I feel like my wagon is finally back on track (yeah, I know, don't talk too soon. LOL)

On track

2006-01-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

Well things are now starting to get on track.

Jobwise: Monday I went into work and worked my butt off to show I can get the work done. I also rang that morning about a job I had seen in the paper doing 3 hours of cleaning at a school everyday from 3.30-6.30pm. I got all my work done plus all of Tuesdays and half of Wednesdays. I also got an interview that afternoon for the other job. As I was leaving, I asked what was going on and was told we would discuss it Today as there was more to it. So off I went to the interview, I just wanted to have my bases covered. Well I got the job. I called Peter and told him that I accepted it, that way if I got to keep my old job, I would be getting some extra money like we had been talking about, even just for a few months. Today I went to work and was told we would trial the new hours for a couple of months to see if I could handle it but eventually they would like me to return to the old hours. Then I was asked if I would like to think about going full time in August as my boss is 7 weeks pregnant. I guessed 2 weeks ago that she was as she was throwing up in the toilet and congratulated her as she had her miscarriage 2 months before me but told her in all honesty that I don't think I could as Bethany would still be at school so I would still need the early knockoffs. She said maybe we could do a jobshare thing with another person, but would see when things get closer.

I am really happy for her but really jealous too. I know that after this cycle we are definately going to start trying again. Pete was talking about it last night.

Anyhow, back on track.

Weightwise: Went for walk Sunday and yesterday. Sundays was awesome. I did better distance than I had in a long time. Yesterday, I don't know if it was my job situation playing on my mind to PMS (am due today) but I felt heavy and bloated and felt everything on my body jiggle. I even had to look down and remind myself how small I was because I felt like that 100kg lady I used to be. Today, I was just about to go for my walk but went to get the washing of the line first. Then I realised how hot it still is out there so will have to go in about an hour and a half. That means I am starting dinner as soon as I finish this so it can settle in time. I hate walking after eating. That may not have helped yesterday either. I am determined to get up at 5am tomorrow. The last 2 days I have not been able to do it. Sunday I went to bed far too late and last night I woke up at 2am with allergies (believe it or not), finally got back to sleep then Bethany woke at 4am sneezing(like mother, like daughter) so took another half hour or so to get back to sleep. Tonight, early to bed, sleep through, early up and walk(heres hoping).

Well enough dribble from me today. Off to cook dinner.

Oh and welcome back Phil, missed ya heaps.

And so it begins...

2006-01-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

Well my rollercoaster of a life has continued its journey for this year. We have been trying to work out ways of getting Bethany to school when she starts in 3 weeks. She goes on Mondays and Tuesdays 12-2.30 and then Thursdays and Fridays 8.45-11.45. On Fridays I have the day off so that isn't a problem. But the other days I work 8am-1pm. On Thursdays we have found a bus that mum can catch to take her there but there isn't one at the right time to pick her up. On the Mondays and Tuesdays there isn't one to get her there but I can pick her up after work. So I approached my boss on Thursday and asked if we could change my roster on those 3 days from 8am-1pm to 7.30am-11.30, meaning I would lose an hour on each of those days. You see, I don't really have a lot to do, so I space my work out so it fills the day. My boss doesn't come in until 9.30am so I don't really do much until she gets there so I spend the first 1.5hours everyday on the net catching up with all my online friends. Then I spend the rest of the day working, pretty slack, I know.

But apparently it is a problem. She doesn't think I will be able to get my work done (eventhough she doesn't come in to 11.30am on Wednesdays because she takes her daughter to swimming lessons, she's the boss, I know but she still gets full pay). She said they were already considering getting someone in on Fridays, eventhough there wasn't a lot to do (it is so she can take the day off to take her daughter to playgroup), so maybe I could do that.

That would mean an extra trip to work and back for no extra money, having to pay mum to do another day and me missing yet another day with Bethany. I know she would be at school for 3 hours but I was going to roster as a helper on those days.

I am not overly happy with the response. She said she will have to talk to her husband about it but unless I could work Fridays they may not allow it. I told her I would also have to talk to Pete and my mum but if that was the case, she may have to advertise my job. The worst thing is, I thought they weren't just my bosses, but my friends. Bethany was invited to her daughter's birthday party, her daughter came to Bethany's and we talked about everything. She is only 3 years younger than me so it was like we were friends and it really hurts.

Well enough whinging from me, I'm sorry. I am also very PMSy today. I feel totally fat and bloated and just down, and that problem going through my head too doesn't really help.

Now, to the start of the 12 week challenge. My weighin yesterday was 81kg, I stayed the same for the week. So now I have 12 weeks to move some acceptable weight. Although I haven't had the best of starts exercise wise. Yesterday was 37.8 degrees and today was 35.6 so I haven't really felt like doing anything so I haven't. I may have sweat some weight out but not really burnt any. I said to Pete today that if this keeps up, I may have to get up with him at 5am and do them before he leaves for work.

Geez, I have gone on tonight. Sorry to have been so negative, but you all will either understand or have clicked of my page by now(can't say I blame you really LOL).

Heres to bigger (or smaller in the case of my butt) and better things.

just because

2006-01-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

Just fiddling on the computer tonight and eventhough I have already done a post for today I thought I would post some of my favourite photos taken over the last couple of weeks.

FIRSTLY,

This was taken of Bethany and my brother, Steve, the night before he left.

THEN,

This is Bethany wearing her Harry Potter glasses and waving her wand on Christmas morning.

FINALLY,

Our beloved Paulene. Just had to rush out and buy this today. YOU GO GIRL!!!

Another year over

2006-01-03T08:48:00.000+08:00

Another year older

A little bit stronger

A little bit wiser than

A year ago today

- A Year Ago Today, Delta Goodrem

Sorry for not updating sooner. Hubby got some computer stuff for Chrissy and has had the computer in bits for about a week now so have had to wait until I got back to work to update.

Onto the new year hey! New Years Eve was a bit intense for me. We took Bethany out for the day. Now I don't know if I was just being PMSy or the fact that my yucky year was about to end but my m/c carriage kept playing on my mind. Everytime I saw a pregnant woman or a new little baby I started to cry. We then called in at my cousin's who is now 24 weeks and is 8 weeks ahead of where I would have been and I cried when I left. Now I know that I am not the only woman in the world to have had a m/c and there are many women out there who have been through worse but that is just what happened. I think maybe I was saying farewell finally and ready to start again, if you know what I mean.

Well enough of that!

I woke New Years Day with another shocking dose of Hayfever (as did Bethany, she has inherited it from me). I decided it must just be an allergy to Sundays as I only seem to get it on Sunday. I did my new year weigh in first thing. Due to some poor eating and drinky drinks, the result..... 81kg. OMG!!!!!!!!!

Felt rather disgusted in myself but also determined to get rid of it. I started in earnest, consuming 19.5 points for the day and going for a 30min walk. I still had bad hayfever but made myself go nonetheless. I armed myself with a good supply of tissues. That walk made me feel like the way I did 2 years ago when I took myself for that first, long walk around the block. I felt heavy and bloated. I had trouble breathing (this time due to a very blocked but runny nose? and a very dry throat) so I only took it easy.

Yesterday, I woke ready to sneeze the day again. So too did Bethany, so the first thing I did was rush to the chemist to get stuff for both of us. Then the 3 of us set of for a walk by the river. Pete had never been so wanted to go. We walked for an hour and it almost killed me. When we got to our half way point, I had to get a drink (I'd forgotten to pack one). When we got back to the car my legs were like jelly. Then we took Bethany swimming (we had promised her 2 days earlier). So we swam for half an hour. By then we were starving so naughtily we went to Sizzlers. I did my best to be good. I had half a plate of salad, some fruit (lettuce, carrot, pineapple, peaches, etc) and some potato bake. I let myself down by 2 of their little dinner rolls (they are warm and so nice) but they don't have low fat spread so had to have full fat. Then for dessert, I avoided the choc mousse, tiramisu and had jelly and ice cream.

So a bit of a half half start to the week. I am concentrating on reintroducing myself to exercise and tracking and then on Friday I start Paulene's challenge to kick some serious fat butt. I now have 16kg to lose and am pumped to do it.

So, borrowing the idea from Karen, I am going to cap off 2005:

Have discovered that on 1/1/06 I surprisingly only weigh 400g more than I did on 3/1/05!
I have had a miscarriage
I actually got down to 72.9kg during the year, so gained 8.1kg during the year
My brother has moved to Sydney, but I hear from him more now than when he was here.
Have finally settled into a job and have been in it for almost a year.
Watched my daughter change from a toddler into a beautiful little girl.

So that is my start to the year. Hope the year has started well for everyone. This is going to be a year of big changes, I can feel it in my fat!

All over

2005-12-28T08:23:00.000+08:00

Hope everyone had a great break.

Well that's another Christmas been and gone. Sorry for not updating sooner but the lead up to Christmas was very hectic around my house and on this day I vow that I will have all Christmas presents bought before December 1 2006.

Christmas Day could have been better for me. Christmas eve I was up until 1am trying to assist my darling hubby in building a tiny little pavement bike. It took damn over 3 hours with the worst instructions I have ever seen. I am so glad I bought it in the post Christmas sales last year for only $20 or I probably would have taken the damn thing back. Then I woke at 6am Christmas Day with the worst hayfever I have had in ages. I took an antihestamine that was supposed to last 12 hours at least and it didn't do a thing. So I spent the whole day in agony, sneezing and blowing my nose, barely able to see through swollen eyes. And the worst thing, I didn't take any photos. I have never missed taking photos on any of Bethany's Christmases but this year I just couldn't. Pete managed to do some videoing but it's the photos I miss. So on Boxing Day I took some of her in her new clothes with some of her new toys, so that will have to do.

We tried not to go over the top with Bethany's pressies this year, but once you put it all out, there seems to be heaps. Especially as she got 4-5 board games, and they are all in boxes, plus a garden set in a box, so once you take it out there is a lot of things like a lawnmower, wheelbarrow, etc. So now we have to try and find room for everything.

Went up to the shops yesterday to start all over again. I got to KMart and when they clear the kids clothes and $5 and around there, I buy all Bethany's summer clothes for next Christmas. Anyway, I don't know if it is because I am looking at size 4 but they prices are around $8-$9. I spent around $100. Then I went to Best and Less and they had nicer shirts for $4-$5. So today I am taking the more expensive items back and getting the cheaper ones. Doing that means that the only things I have to get through the year for Bethany is her toys and socks and underwear.

Oh, I forgot to mention the best thing for me this Christmas. Pete bought me a George Foreman grill. He got the one with the griddle and the 2 different temperature controls. It is just awesome. I used it for the first time last night to make quick steak sandwiches before we went out and the steak was delishious. It melted in my mouth. And it cooked Bethany's meat & vegie rissoles the best I have cooked them. I used no oil and they cooked all the way through without me having to cut them in half. I love it!

We finally bit the bullet and took Bethany to see Harry Potter last night. A lot of people said that it was scary in places, so I took my sister who had already seen it and she covered Bethany's eyes when she knew the scary bits were coming. Bethany was fine, no nightmares last night and now she has finally seen it. I would never have guessed my 3 year old daughter would be a Harry Potter nut but, hey, what can you do? My sister bought her a wand and glasses for Christmas, she loves them and took the wand with us last night!

Geez, I have dribbled enough today to make up for all of my none updates for the last week! Now to the important stuff. After all my bad eating and very little drinking (I couldn't drink because of the antihestamines so I only had 1 on Boxing Day) my weight this morning was 79.8kg. Have to be happy with that. Now it is time to start. I will walk this afternoon. I need to get all the leftover junk food out of my house. I am going to do Paulene's 12 week challenge and I really want to join a gym! I have 14.8kg left to lose. It is 22 weeks until my 30th birthday. I want to at least be in the 60's by then, which is 9.9kg. That is doable (unless something unexpected happens, you know what I mean). I really need to do this and I will.

Maintaining

2005-12-20T08:30:00.000+08:00

Well, what a rollercoaster of a last few days.

Firstly weigh-in saw me stay the same, which I was rapped with as I was expecting TOM to knock me around, geez it was a doosie.

Then Sunday we had another get together with my brother to say goodbye and he gave Bethany her Christmas present early, which she absolutely loves. It's a little carry around craft box (like mummy's scrapbook stuff) with paint, pencils, crayons, playdoh and stuff like that. When I took everyone back to mum's after the BBQ, I cried on the way home, praying for him to get over safely.

Then yesterday he left for Sydney. It was a very emotional day for all of us. I saw him in the morning before I went to work, I cried again. Then mum rang me when he did leave, she was crying. He was crying when he left. Mum said he kept looking at Bethany saying "No, I have to go, I have to go" I think Bethany knew it was going to be a while before she saw him again too. She is usually very shy around him because she only sees him like once a month or so. But mum said she kept hugging him and giving him kisses and when he left she stood on the driveway blowing kisses and waving. When I came home she asked me why Nanna and Steve had been crying. I told her that he was going on a big holiday and Steve was sad because he was going to miss everyone especially her. She then said "Steve loves me very much" I cried again.

But I hope all goes well. He phoned in last night to let us know he was safely at his first stop.

I looked back today at my progress for the last year and I weigh practically the same as I did last Christmas. It's funny but last Christmas I was so happy about how much I weighed and how much I had lost. But this year I am disappointed in myself. It's been a whole year and I weigh the same. I know a lot of things have happened and I should be proud that I have been able to maintain for a whole year. But earlier this year I was just 3kg from hitting the 60's and just feel like I should have done better.

But here's hoping next year is a better year. This time next week Christmas will be over and there is no excuse for not climbing back on that big old wagon and starting again.

At Last!

2005-12-14T08:15:00.000+08:00

Well, am proud to say that for the last 2 days I have been for 2 x 30min walks. Eating is slowly getting back on track, although Monday I caved in to some left over chips from Sunday and yesterday I was in the middle of shopping when I had another shakey, dizzy episode so I scoffed a Mars Bar.

This shakey, dizzy episode then led to TOM arriving. At last, although only really 6 days late. Even with the beginnings of tummy pains, made myself get out for a walk and also did about 30 mins worth of weeding in a very neglected vegie garden.

I am now only worried about the impact TOM will have on my weigh in on Friday. But no matter what the scale show, at least I am getting back on track.

Today the tummy pains are terrible. It maybe that I just don't have my usual pills that I take (haven't needed them for almost 4 months so forgot to buy some) so am struggling at the moment and don't really feel like being at work but what can you do?

Also, am looking for a shortbread recipe so I can make some Christmas biscuits with Bethany. I used to have a great recipe that I found when I did home ec at high school but have since lost it. Does anyone out there have one that they have tried and liked. If so, I would appreciate a copy if possible. This weekend I am helping Bethany make some Christmas decorations for the house, I also have a recipe for a kids Christmas rocky road that uses white chocolate, mashmallows and biscuits, no nuts. So we are going to make some of that to take to Pete's family on Christmas eve. That way she can tell everyone what she made. She loves doing that, it makes her so proud.

Well enough from me today. Even though I am in immense pain, I can feel the fog lifting, slowly.

Photo Time!

2005-12-13T13:43:00.000+08:00

As requested, here are some photos of Bethany. Unfortunately, we could not take any while she was dancing, as it distracts them, but here is one of her before it started (in the blue & yellow outfit) and one after it finished.

And below are just a couple from the Hi-5 Concert. Thought I better post these as I forgot to do the ones from the Wiggles Concert.

Well that's about it for now. Will be back with a proper update later.

Bye

The pressures off!

2005-12-12T08:52:00.000+08:00

Well, where do I start.

Wednesday, the Hi-5 Concert was awesome. Unlike when Bethany saw them in January last year, this time she danced and sung and went down the front, in front of the stage. She absolutely loved it.

Friday, weigh-in, as expected, saw a gain back to 79.5kg.

Saturday was Bethany's Dance Concert. She was gorgeous. She is the youngest one in the whole school. I was expecting her to freeze when she saw the audience. They came on stage and she skipped in her circle, went to her spot on the stage and danced. I was so proud. She did more than some of the 4 year olds. She jumped and wiggled her hips and galloped. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Then after intermission, she did her second dance, just as well and also skipped across the whole stage in the finale. When it was over and they were sitting on stage while the teacher did her speech, she just sat there, she wouldn't even wave to us. She was such a good girl.

Yesterday was my brother's going away get together. Chips and pizza were consumed along with a few drinky drinks. Then before bed and not really being in a smart frame of mind, I stood on the scales. DUMB! I saw the 80's! Then my mind started. A few months ago I had lost 27kg and now it was showing 19. NOT GOOD! I felt depressed and disgusted in myself.

But this morning I think it is what I needed. Of course I have done my proper mid week weighin this morning and the results aren't as bad as last night but I keep seeing that 80.5 flashing through my mind. I don't want to see it again! SO now I am fighting to get rid of it. Bit by bit I will get further away from the 80's, starting NOW!

Feeling Blah!

2005-12-07T08:04:00.000+08:00

Well have been feeling a little blah over the last couple of days.

I think it is because TOM is due, but then again due to the m/c it is due anytime between now and Christmas so hard to say. Have been very moody, feeling yucky in the general tum region, craving chocolate (naughty me has been into Pete's secret stash of Tim Tams) and then last night while cooking dinner had a very yucky episode. We started cooking dinner at about 6.15pm and it only took 15 mins to cook. With about 5 mins I got the shakes, got the sweats and felt like I was either going to throw up or faint if I didn't eat so quickly scoffed some low fat bickies.

It wasn't like I hadn't eaten for hours. My last snack was at about 5 I think (have been having to many snacks so haven't been keeping track that well)

So Pete said maybe I was pregnant but I highly doubt it. With my cycle being out of whack I don't really know and I wasn't trying as the doctor said to wait a cycle. I think it is just PMS and my body readjusting to the cycle. Want a bet I get TOM on Christmas Day! I bet $5.

So today am taking Bethany to the Hi-5 Concert that we bought tickets for ages ago. She knew she was going but doesn't know it's today or else she would have been asking us for months when she was going. (We have been counting the sleeps to Christmas since it was in the 100's!) Pete is going to pick me up from work with her. We are going to the concert hall and I am going to dress her and do her hair when we are there (about 30 mins before it starts). We can handle 30mins of "when is the concert?" I can't wait to see her face when she finds out.

Hope you all have a great day. I will be back in the swing of things soon. I promise. I can't take too much more of feeling like this.

Very confused

2005-12-05T08:52:00.000+08:00

Okie Dokie, here I am again.

Weighin Friday was exactly as I expected, back up to 79.6kg. Watched the Biggest Loser Finale and felt quite pumped and raring to get back into things.

Got up Saturday and the weather wasn't the nicest. Typical! When you plan something, something alway happens. Well that's the excuse I'm using. I know, I should have fought it and gone walking anyhow but that's just the way I have been lately.

Saturday got quite hectic with Bethany's 2nd last class before her concert, her end of year party and presentation and then Christmas shopping.

Sunday was back shopping again. We only have like 5 presents to get, but can't seem to find the right thing.

Eating was attrocious on the weekend. I am being honest and getting everything out. I ate full fat ice-cream, shared a lge bag of chips with Pete & Bethany (haven't done that in ages), had sausages and fish & chips from a shop. There was absolutely no exercise unless you count walking around the shops for hours and no water consumed. I walked past a shop window and was absolutely horrified by the reflection I saw.

So this morning I got up and am totally ready to put the last 3 months behind me and get back to where I was. I started with a weighin to check all damage done, totally expecting to be back in the 80's. The final total after checking it 5 times, 78kg. WHAT THE? I have actually lost 1.6kg since Friday by eating crap and doing nothing! Don't ask me.

So this morning I have done 35 sit-ups, 20 push ups and some of the arm toning exercises that Paulene told me about. I am aiming to drink at least a litre of water and weather permiting go for a walk, although it won't be a hard paced one, I don't want to burn out again like last week.

So there you go! I'm back and ready to get back into shape.

Trying to recharge

2005-12-01T08:54:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the absense guys, but I really need to do something to recharge myself.

I felt so yukky Tuesday morning that I started to get really depressed. I don't know if it was because I was so busy on the weekend or maybe I just threw myself back into the weightloss to early after my m/c but I just needed a break.

And that is what I have done. After my post Tuesday morning I have done nothing. No tracking, no exercising, no stressing and I am almost feeling normal today, still just a little tired but almost there.

So I am not expecting weighin to be all that great tomorrow, but you know what? I can start again. That's what I thought to myself Tuesday. It wasn't going to kill me to take another week off. The world wasn't going to end, so I did.

And today I am almost feeling ready to take on the world (except for still being tired but nothing an early night tonight won't fix)

So, due to this break, my goal has changed. I know I won't hit my pre-pregnancy weight by Christmas so now I am aiming for my first weighin in January. That will make it January 6. That is 5 weeks from tomorrow. It will also be 2 years since I started this journey. I was hoping to be at my final goal by that date but this year hasn't been the kindest so, of course, that isn't going to happen.

But I will get there. It's not a matter of if I get there, just when.

No-one to blame but me....

2005-11-29T08:19:00.000+08:00

Well I don't know if it was because I was extremely run down or what yesterday but I let myself down big time.

I started the day off fine with 45 sit-up, 20 push ups and my arm exercises. Had good breakky, good lunch. Then mid afternoon I was just feeling blah. Hadn't had the best of days as it was. So what did I do to make myself feel better? Go for a good walk, do some exercises, NOOOO. Had a small block of chocolate, you betchya.

Now I feel totally rotten. The scales were going to be bad as it was, but that wouldn't really help at all.

I think I will be back to where this challenge started on Friday but all I can do is start again.

I can also feel that my body is missing all the good stuff and exercise. I just feel blobby, if you know what I mean. So the sooner I get back on track the better.

Well just a short and sweet one today. Hope you are all well.

I need a break!

2005-11-28T09:26:00.000+08:00

I am so exhausted from the last 3 days that I need 2 days break to recover. I WISH!

I'll start at Friday. Weighin was good, 78.3, a 1.3kg loss. (how much of that I still have is another question) Spent Friday morning running around getting things for Kelly's graduation ball this week and stuff for Bethany's dancing dress rehersal. Couldn't find the wig she needed anywhere. Got home at 1.30pm and got her down for a nap. Made a couple of phone calls and found a place in the city with the wig we needed but I had to go to Kellys Graduation assembly that night so we had to leave an hour earlier so I could get it. That meant we had just 2 hours to get Mum, Kelly and me ready. Out the door again and 3.45 (we were running late). Got to the dance place, got the wig and got to the Hall at 5.15pm. Were seated at 6.15pm and assembly started at 7.00pm. Assembly finished at 9.45pm and came home, stopping for takeaway as we were starving (Hadn't eaten since 1.30).

That was Friday!

Saturday, had Bethany at dancing at 9.30. Picked her up at 10.30. Back at the hall at 11.30 to get the tickets to her concert and home at 12.15. Waited for Pete's cousin to pick up some retic stuff. Got a phone call at 2.00 to say they wouldn't be there till 4.00. Dashed to Big W as I really needed a summer dressing gown for Bethany to wear over her costume but couldn't find one. Back home by 3.30pm. Rellies turned up at 4.00 and then we had to go back to their place so Pete could fit it all. A 45min drive later and we were there. Unfortunately the truck with the pump and stuff didn't turn up till 6.30. Pete spent an hour installing it all and we were off again home (in the middle of a massive thunder and lighning storm mind you) and home by 8.45 with takeaway for tea again.

You still with me?????

Then yesterday started off nice and relaxing. Just did some washing, the dishes and general cleaning. Had Bethany down for a nap at noon as she had to be at her dress rehersal (a 30 min drive away) just before 2.30. Spent an hour labelling all her stuff with her name and just making sure I had everything. Got her up at 1.15 and then the time just seemed to vanish. Got her hair done and some make up so I could get a photo of her in the costume she would wear when we weren't there and then changed her into the other costume that she had to arrive in. Loaded up the car and took off about 10mins late. Got her there 15 mins before she had to start. Put the rest of her makeup on, put her wig on and ran her in 2 mins late.

We then had to wait 3 hours to pick her up. We were starving so went and got some lunch (yep, takeaway again) and then drove to Pete's parent's place ( a 30 min drive away) it seemed like only 20 mins and we were off again to pick Bethany up. Got home at about 6.00pm and had dinner, an actual home cooked meal.

And that was my weekend. So my guess is that the scales won't be happy with my efforts but I will just do what I can to fix it this week. I am now trying to catch up on everyone's journals. I am not avoiding you all, I promise, I have just been really busy. I will also start tracking again, I promise.

Busy, Busy

2005-11-24T08:58:00.000+08:00

My goodness, what a busy day yesterday was.

It started with have to go to Bethany's school at 9 but I managed a boiled egg and piece of toast for breakky (healthier than the pancakes Pete was cooking).

I bought her little uniform for next year, it's soooo cute!

Then it was up to Pete's cousin's so he could check out things for a bore pump (exciting, not). On the way we stopped for lunch at Subway. Haven't had that since I found out I was pregnant (wasn't sure if their roast chicken breast was processed or not). So that was quite yummy.

Stayed there for hours and then came home via BigW (looking for some hooks to finish hanging my Christmas lights). By then it was really late so Pete wanted takeaway for tea. Went to KFC and got a burger and small chips. Ate the burger and then started on the chips. They were so oversalted that it was disguisting. I thought to myself, why keep eating them, if I get hungry later have some fruit or something. So I stopped with just over half a box left. Then later in the evening I did get peckish, so I had a diet mousse.

We got home an hour after dinner, so I even went for my 30min walk (3 DAYS IN A ROW, OMG!).

Today I got up and have so far done 55 situps, 25 pushups, 15 dips and 2 x 10 reps of the arm exercises that Paulene recommended I do plus 1 x 10 reps of another arm exercise I was shown when I went for that 30 day free trial at that gym months and months ago. And Paulene, you were right, they do kill and I only managed 1 x 10 reps of each! But as with the other exercises I have been doing this week, I will increase, just slowly and surely.

Speaking of gym, another gym just down the road from me is offering a free 30 day trial. I am thinking about doing it. Pete said "You don't know what the catch is" so I am going to call them today. I know 30 days isn't a long time and I probably won't be able to afford to join afterwards, but in 4 weeks, any extra weightloss is good. And I have 4 weeks and 3 days left to Christmas and hence my challenge so anything helps. Will think about it anyhow.

Well that's enough rambling from me today. Suppose I had better do some work now.

Here I am again

2005-11-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

Well here I am again. 2 days in a row, this could become a habit.

I finally made it for a 30min walk yesterday, the first time in weeks and it felt great, although last night my legs ached from that and a weekend spent going up and down a ladder doing Christmas lights.

Today was a mixed up day. Pete's cousin, who was 8 weeks ahead of me with her pregnancy, found out she was having a girl. She already has 2 boys and was really hoping for a girl. I was so happy for her and as I planned weeks ago, as soon as she told me I went out and got the prettiest, girliest outfit for the baby. It was difficult going through the baby stuff, thinking of what could have been, but I did it and I am extremely happy for her.

This afternoon, I went for another 30 min walk and did it in really good time. I actually did 2 complete laps of my 1.5km block and at a pace I haven't walked at in at least 2.5months. It felt totally awesome.

As promised I tracked everything I ate today and have even started up a tracking page again. I have added the link to my list on the left. I consumed all 20 points today as I remember reading someone's journal not long ago about the importance of using all allocated points on most days to keep you metabolism working properly. There will be days I have lower points but not to the point of hurting all the work I am doing. I also used 2 points today with my exercise so ended up with a total of 18.

Am going to Bethany's school tomorrow for an information morning on her kindergarden. I can't believe she is off to school next year. She can't wait!

Well am feeling quite bushed now, am showered and totally ready for bed.

Catch you all later.

Getting there

2005-11-21T08:58:00.000+08:00

Well, not the best 3 days have passed but with luck, I haven't gained.

Friday I weighed in at 79.6kg, meaning I need to loose 4.7kg to get back to the 74.9 I was before the pregnancy. Was all set and ready to start on Friday but then got dealt more emotional news.

First of all, I found out that an old friend (we were best friends in year 12) is pregnant! Not the best news to hear when you are already feeling low.

Then later that day, I got a call from my brother (who hasn't had the best of years either with his marriage breakdown) to tell me that on December 17 he is moving to Sydney to live.

You see, my mother is originally from Sydney and has 8 brothers and sisters there and they have heaps of kids and so on, so there is a real big family base there. Anyhow, one of my cousins has offered for him to go and live with him and work on his horse property and generally get away from everything here and sort himself out.

So it's good for Steve, he really does need some timeout, but I am sad to see him go. We have been through so much together and it will be the first time in out lives where we will be more than a 30min drive from each other. But I wish him the best of luck and all my love.

So, anyhow, both lots of news resulted in some bad eating on my part and kind of sucked the momentum out of me.

That was until I read Janene's site this morning. Now I am more determined than ever to get my sorry butt back into action. I need a lift at the moment, and I know that seeing the scales start to move back down will give me just that lift to make myself feel good.

Straight after work today, I am off to the shop to stock up on fruit, yoghurt and lots of good stuff. I want to start tracking my eating again but won't start until tomorrow as my cupboards aren't the best and didn't have a great breakfast this morning. I am going for a 30 min walk today or if I get too busy to get out the door, I will use the stepper tonight. I have done 40 situps, 15 pushups and 10 dips (doesn't look like much, but it's a start) and started on my water for the day.

I have noticed now that I have brought out all my summer tops that I really need to work on my flabby arms, hence the dips that I am now doing. If anyone out there knows any more exercises to help get rid of flabby underarms, can you let me know?

Well that is the long and the short of it. Actually, Janene has got me so pumped I am dying to get home and get started. Thanks Janene!

Thats it for today. Hope you are all well.

Little Hiccup

2005-11-17T08:35:00.000+08:00

Ok, Ok, have had a little hiccup in my getting back on track plan.

Was doing well up until yesterday, although still hadn't actually made it out for my first 30 min walk.

Then yesterday I was feeling really flat and tired. I don't know if it was cause somewhere in my subconscious I knew it was a week ago that it all happened or just my body feeling run down from doing so much. So last night we splurged and had pizza. I hadn't had it in 10 weeks and enjoyed every mouthful I had.

So the result will be not as big a loss as I had hoped. I know I did some damage over the weekend with the consumption of a lot of comfort food but as long as I am 79.9(what I was last Friday) or less, I will be happy.

Today I am trying to keep myself fairly busy as I would have been going for my first antenatal appointment today and listening to the heartbeat for the first time. Am feeling kind of low but am determined to keep occupied. Will put up all my Christmas lights on the house this arvo and may finally venture out for that first walk.

Tomorrow is weighin day and 5 weeks and 2 days to Christmas. I am setting myself a 5 week mini challenge to try and get down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 74.9kg. It will mean some hard work but I am determined to look good for Christmas and if I can do it, it will be the lightest I have been at Christmas in about 13 years.

So that is my goal!

Hope you are all having a good week.

Overwhelmed

2005-11-15T08:55:00.000+08:00

I am totally overwhelmed with all the well wishes from you guys. Having the support from you guys has helped me to get through this. When reading them I've smiled, I've cried but it has all helped. THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart.

I think I have made it through to the other side now. I am wanting to get back to the way things were in September. So back to action!

Yesterday I had planned to go for my first gentle walk. But at about 4.30pm something hit and I got up and started to do a mad clean. I vaccumed the floors, stripped our bed and changed our sheets and doona cover, did washing and hung it out. I said to Peter I think it was my way of wanting change. Anyhow, I was so exhausted after days of doing nothing, that I said I would skip my walk.

When I went out to hang out the wash we raided the vegie patch. Bethany scored more cherry tomatoes and there are heaps more on the way. Our first strawberry has got colour and we sorted our carrots. Peter never thinned them out when they got bigger so they have grown all deformed. They look like they have legs and other appendages. We just laughed and laughed and it felt good.

And today I feel even better. I am getting there.

Today it is forecast to be quite a hot day of 32 degrees. So I think we might have salad for tea and I will go for my first walk today. I really want to go because I think it will do me good to get back to what I enjoy. But I don't want to go when it's too hot, so will wait for early evening.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I am keen to join you all and get back into action.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!

Long overdue update

2005-11-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I'd like to say a big thank you to all of you who have contacted me and given me lovely messages of support over the last week.

I have now decided to show my entry from last Friday so those who did not end up getting the link can now read it.

On Wednesday I started spotting. Enough to send me to the emergency department of my local hospital. After 2 hours I had blood taken to check my hormone levels and was sent home saying that after I had my scan on Monday to go to my local doctor.

So yesterday I called the scan place and managed to change my appointment to yesterday afternoon instead. As the scan was done, I felt relief to see the little heart beating. But the words that came out of the operators mouth floored me. She said "there is no way that you are 8 weeks and 2 days, this baby is just 6 weeks."

Now when I went 2 weeks ago I was told I was between 5 & 6 weeks and now she is saying I am just 6 weeks! It doesn't add up. When I had Bethany my last period was on the 20/9 and I was given the due date of 28/6. After yesterdays scan, my last period was on the 6/9 and I have just been given the due date of 29/6????????????????????

Now I am in total stress mode. How can this be? Why isn't it the size it should be? Is there something wrong? Is everything going to be OK? Is this why I am spotting?

My head is running a million miles an hour and all I want to do is cry.

Well everyone, last night I lost my little angel. The pains started at about 5.45pm but nothing really happened until about 9.15pm. Then it was up to the hospital, get pain pills, get sent home about midnight.

I'm sorry but it is still really painful to think about.

Peter has been so fantastic. He has had less sleep than me.

I had to explain to Bethany today that the baby in mummy's tummy got sick and isn't there anymore. She asked if we could get another one. I said we will try. I actually managed the conversation without breaking down.

There is so much running through my head but I don't want to burden everyone with negative thoughts and images. Just know that I will be OK.

Am off to bed now to try to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Am trying to keep busy with normal things like Christmas shopping and stuff. Will also plan to start back on my weightloss journey ASAP. Just to give myself a sense of normality.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to pretend nothing has happened. I have grieved. I am still grieving and I will continue to grieve. It will hit me when the maternity top I bought on Ebay arrives. It hit me everytime I saw a new little baby today. But if I don't start to fill my days, my mind will explode.

I just wanted to let you all know

Friday, Friday

2005-11-04T08:27:00.000+08:00

Morning all.

Weighin this morning was 78.4kg, a 100g gain. Quite amazed considering what I have eaten this week.

Now I hope you all understand but due to a couple of reasons, I have decided for this entry to keep it somewhat private. If you would like to read it, please tag me in my tagboard with your email address and I will send you details of how to read it.

I hope you all understand and I wish I could go into it more, but at the moment I just can't.

Out of Control

2005-10-31T09:46:00.000+08:00

No matter how hard I am trying, I just can't seem to control my weight at the moment.

Weigh-in on Friday saw another gain up to 78.3kg. That's a total gain of 3.4kg since I found out I was pregnant and a grand total of 4.3kg in the 7.5 weeks of pregnancy.

I am drinking water, eating lots of fruit, although my exercise is a problem. Only 1 walk last week. I want to go, its just that I feel so tired at the moment that I don't end up going. I really need to start to make a conscious effort to go or my weigh is going to balloon out of control. I know the 80's are coming, I just didn't expect to see them so soon.

Another problem is not nausea exactly, but a feeling of not wanting to even think about food. It usually happens in the afternoon. I'm fine right up until 3 o'clockish. Then just thinking about food makes me feel ill. So I put it off, eventhough I am hungry. So I put it off and I put it off until I am so hungry that I actually feel ill. It's like a lose, lose situation. And quite fustrating.

And to top it all off, this usually happens when it is time for me to go for a walk.

But mustn't complain too much. At this stage when I was pregnant with Bethany I was throwing up morning, noon and night.

So I am going to set myself mini goals. And my first one for this week is to walk at least 3 times between today and next Monday. Friday would be better as it is weighin day and I would prefer to do things from week to week but I am starting a bit late. We'll see how I go anyhow.

That's enough blabber from me. Geez I'm a scatterbrain.

Until later
Be Happy

A New Page

2005-10-24T11:12:00.000+08:00

Well am proud to say that I have just redone my journal with thanks to a lovely template by Caz.

I have changed my journal heading from Time to Try to A New Page. I have done this for a couple of reasons. The first is I have been doing this journey for 663 days now so it is no longer a Time to Try for me as I have been actually doing it. Secondly, with my pregnancy, it is a New Page in my life with many adjustments to make and a new time to see if I can keep a handle on my weight over the next few months.

Speaking of my weight, I weighed in on Friday at 77kg, so my weight has gone up yet again. Although, doing mid-week weighin this morning and I have actually maintained that weight since Friday so I am happy and not stressing out.

I went for my scan on Friday and was a little disappointed. You see, when I was pregnant with Bethany, I had some problems around 6 weeks and was sent for an emergency scan to see if everything was OK. To do this, they had to do an internal (to much info, I know) but I got to see her little heart beating.

So when I went for this ultrasound, I couldn't see her heart. I started to panic and stress out but they told me it was normal but eventhough my and the doctors calculations had me a 6 weeks and 3 days, they told me I am somewhere around 5-6 weeks so am being sent back for another scan in 2 weeks, so I should see something then. I was enough to scare me though.

Bethany was funny. She saw the screen and knew what it meant, but couldn't put together that it was my tummy. So we have had to explain things to her. Peter is just as funny. Last night they had sausages while I had steak. Bethany wanted to know why I wasn't having sausages. Peter's explaination "You know the bubby in mummy's tummy, well it can't eat sausages" I totally lost it.

Well enough of all that. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to bore all of you with these details but it was just so funny.

Was planning a good day of exercise today but the weather had totally turned rotten with gale winds and yukky black clouds. Might just have to use the stepper. I am totally into maintaining this weight this week, just to prove I can do it.

Until later, Be Happy

Feeling fine!

2005-10-20T09:25:00.000+08:00

Well it's Thursday and I'm actually feeling quite good!

First of all my eating for the last 2 days.
TUESDAY

Breakfast: 1 piece of toast and a sml yogo
Snacks: 1 apple, 1 banana
Lunch: sml chips shared with Bethany while shopping
Snack: sml jelly
Tea: chinese rice, noodles and stirfry
Snack: bag of chocolate covered licorice

Not too bad but went down hill after dinner

WEDNESDAY

Breakfast: 1 piece of toast and a sml yogo
Snacks: 1 apple, 1 banana
Lunch: boiled egg & salad sandwich (yummy)
Snack: sml yogo
Tea: Pork Shnitzel & vegies
Snack: Jelly & ice cream

Bit better than Tuesday!

As for the exercise I didn't end up walking Tuesday. Yesterday afternoon I was resting on the lounge thinking I won't go today either, I can go Thurs, Fri & Sat and still get 4 days of walking for the week. Then 5 mins later I thought, that's not good enough go now! So I did and it felt so good. I am not quite doing the 2 laps of my block I used to but I almost made it. Given maybe another 5 mins I would have so not too bad.

I am really looking forward to my scan tomorrow. Bethany has seen hers in her scrapbook and knows what they are. Everytime she sees a lady on TV having one she says "she has a baby in her tummy" so when she sees it tomorrow she will know as we haven't told her yet. Although I am not looking forward to holding the water. I have been practising since Monday drinking at least a litre of water and holding it for as long as possible. I made it 40mins yesterday but I need to do an hour. At least it has been making sure I get at least a litre a day.

Have also been doing some work on a new layout for my journal. I don't think a lot of people are reading at the moment so a fresh new approach and relaunch are need I think. I also don't think my website is being used much anymore either so might set it all up with links through my journal so I don't need the old geocities site. Might take a few days, but I'll get there.

Hope all is well with everyone out in cyberland. It's a lovely 26 degree day today so I am dying to make the most of it. Bethany picked our first ripe cherry tomato from our vegie garden yesterday. Might go and do some weeding today. It's supposed to rain tomorrow (on my day off, typical) so must get everything out of today.

Until later, Be Happy

The fog is lifting

2005-10-18T08:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates since last week. Have just been trying to get organised and settle some family issues with my brother and stuff.

I really haven't had a riviting journal over the last few months have I but I think sometimes you just need to take a step back, get things organised and come back with new energy. A big thank you to all of you out there that have stuck with me through this time.

Well weigh-in on Friday wasn't the greatest. Am now 76.1, so 2.1kg gained in 5.5 weeks. Am now looking at not trying to lose that, but maintain it for the next few weeks, just till it all balances out.

I did end up going for a total of 3 x 30min walks last week, so just 1 under what I aimed to do.

Today I have decided to start to record my eating. Not with points and stuff, but just so I can be accountable for what's going into my mouth. Over the last couple of weeks I have just been stuffing this and that in with not much thought to it.

I have had 1 x 30min walk so far this week and this morning I did 10mins on the stepper before walk and will be doing another 30min walk today.

Have also been thinking about overhauling my blog page. Need to get it up to date.

It is taking some adjustment to think that I am not trying to lose weight at the moment. My weightloss is all I have thought about since January last year. That's 21 months and now it's all on hold. And when just a couple of weeks ago the Biggest Loser had me pumped, I now think "I wish I could do that". I am also envious of all you guys out there, especially Jules and Paulene who are just doing so awesome at the moment.

But then I think, I am on a 8 month break. Taking some time out while I extend my family. In this time I can think about how I can improve my weightloss when this time is over and by the time my pregnancy is over I should be really hanging out to get back to it. Let's just hope I don't put on too much during it. I only put on 10kg with Bethany but that was thanks to some killer morning sickness.

So my aim now is to be healthy and happy. Enjoy this time. Eat as well as I can manage but not come down on myself for any slip-ups. Exercise as much as I can without over-doing it and just enjoy the exercise I do get. And finally, be happy. So much has happened this year within my immediate family (brother, sister & mother) that just makes me grateful for what I have.

So now for my new sign-off. I can't keep trying at the moment so my new sign-off:

Be Happy
Kim

Doing my best

2005-10-12T09:09:00.000+08:00

Well I am trying to be good, although I wish my appetite would behave. Have been good during the morning until about 1pm. I have cereal, then about every 2 hours snack on a banana, then an apple, then get home and have a sandwich. It is when I get home that chocolate biscuits and twisties find their way into my mouth.

Can't just blame my eating either. Haven't really been outstanding on the exercise front. Went for my walk on Saturday, like I mentioned in my last entry, and haven't been since. I keep making excuses not to go. I did do 10mins on mum's stepper on Monday though.

So I gave myself a good talking to last night. I'm pregnant, not injured. There is no reason at all I can't do what I need to do.

Our weather is warming up, so I will walk at least 4 times a week. I really want to do it everyday but if I can manage 4 times I will be happy. It's 4 times as much as I did last time. Salads will also come into play more often. At least my fruit intake has been good. Oh, so has my water. As of this minute, I have drunk 2 litres since Monday morning and still going.

I have been nana-napping though. Only like 10-15 minute power naps each day, just enough to give me a boost.

Well that's enough dribble for today. Will have to update my website and this page with pregnancy details. I took my measurements on Friday morning and will continue to monitor them.

Also a big hello to Paulene who finally made the 90's on Monday. She has done sooo well with her challenge so far and there's only more to come. And also to Kate who has announced today that she, too, is pregnant! And at this stage there is only half a week between our due dates. I will know for sure when I have my scan next Friday.

Geez it's been a big week for a lot of people. Just thinking about it all makes me tired (LOL)

Until later
Bye

Things looking so much clearer now.

2005-10-10T08:37:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I really must apologise for my lack of updates last week. Had quite a lot going on and a lot to get my head around.

Friday, I weighed in at 74.8kg, which is a 1kg gain from the previous week, but a 1kg loss since the Monday as at Monday last week when I did mid-week weigh-in I was 75.8, so am pretty happy with that.

Now for some interesting news. It explains quite a bit why I have been having problems the last few weeks with my weight. You see, I am pregnant! Yes you read that right. I am 5 weeks as of today. I wasn't going to tell all of you yet, you know, wait til 12 weeks and all, but I am just busting to tell people. We haven't even told our families yet! So you are all privvy to special news. I also thought that if I can't be totally honest with you all about this, how am I supposed to continue this journal honestly.

So there you go. Tracking back 5 weeks I was at 74kg. So that is my starting weight. So far I have gained 800g. My goal now is to ensure I have a nice healthy pregancy. I was 20kg heavier when I got pregnant with Bethany so that helps quite considerably. I have talked to my doctor and I am going to continue 30min walks, just not so briskly. I am also allowed to continue to use mum's stepper, but I have to take it easy. I am drinking heaps of water and lots of fruit & vegies and that is my plan.

Saturday, I went for my first walk since finding out and geez it was weird. I keep telling myself to take it easy, its harder than you think to slow it down. Today I have brought an apple, banana and cut up watermelon to work. So I am trying.

Have been stressing a bit though. You see, when I was pregnant with Bethany, I knew from the day of conception. I got sick straight away and had all the early symptoms.
This time I had no idea. So I have eaten food that is naughty, like cold deli meats, thickshake at Macdonalds and cheesecake(unsure about the cheesecake, I know you are not supposed to have soft, mould ripened cheese). I also discovered last night that I am not supposed to be carrying Bethany anymore and I have been on a daily basis Even first thing this morning I forgot and carried her out of bed. Apparently, you are not supposed to lift anything heavier that 11kg. So until I have my scan at the end of next week, all of these situations are running through my head, making me worry.

Well that's about it for now. Well not really, I've got a hundred things running through my head but I won't bore you anymore. Was really looking forward to being a size 12 this Christmas. But I am really excited about buying real maternity clothes. I had to make my own last time as I couldn't find any in my size or if I did, they cost a fortune.

Told you my heads all over the place.

Am really signing off now. Will catch you all tomorrow.

Until later
Bye

biglegs

2005-10-03T08:24:00.000+08:00

Well here I am after another weekend to report the same old... failure again but I have had enough. It is getting beyond a joke and I have no-one to blame but myself.

Friday started off great. It was weighin and was extatic with a 200g loss after my previous bad weekend. I had a 3 point brekky, did 3.5hours walking around our big shopping centre and had subway for lunch eventhough it was free day. Then I treated myself to a bag of licorice (I didn't get my usual licorice showbag so it was a comprimise). Had sausages and vegies for tea and then caved to some unplanned Tim Tams. It was free day and I didn't do too bad.

Saturday is when things started to go downhill. Had a 4 point breakfast. Then we started getting visitors as it was Peters birthday on Sunday but had people coming on Saturday. Had 1 scone with jam & cream with the visitors and then a sandwich for lunch. Then went to movies where a bag of twisties was shared and a Wonka bar was eaten (damn I'm hooked on them). Then we went out for Chinese for tea.

Sunday had a 6 point breakky (hubby made scrambled eggs but added grated cheese, but no excuses remember) had takeaway for lunch, birthday cake, lasagne and vegies for tea and then another piece of birthday cake (see can't blame anyone else but me)

And here I am, not only PMSy (had a nice cry last night over nothing) but bloated from my own stupidity.

But I swear everyone, it is going to stop. It is a new month and the old stuff is all done and gone with nothing but new beginnings for me. I have just read Paulene's last few entries and I feel so lazy compared to her. She is out there, busting her butt because she wants to do it and here I am going for the occasional walk expecting the same. WELL NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!

Also, to make my frame of mind even worse Pete took this photo of me yesterday while we were playing with Bethany.

Told you my legs are a BIG problem!

Well here to fresh new starts and a better outlook on life.

Until tomorrow
Bye

Crashed the Wagon

2005-09-27T09:03:00.000+08:00

I have been reading a few other blogs lately refering to falling of the wagon. Well I have totally crashed it.

Flashback to last week. Friday morning weighin and I had a 200g gain. Quite annoyed considering how hard I had tracked and exercised but at least it was small. That was then.

Saturday was the AFL grand final and couple of drinky drinks were consumed while watching. Then a couple more to comiserate the loss. Sunday we went to the Royal Show and I was quite good considering previous years. We took lunch of salad sandwiches. Taste tested a new sausage and a new flavoured milk, but only small samples. Did not purchase any showbags for myself (first time ever). However we did stay later then we had planned so had to purchase takeaway for dinner and there was also my traditional toffee apple.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. So Pete took me to Araluen, where we go married (the place with all the tulips mentioned in a prevous post) and bought morning tea with scones. Then he also took me out for dinner.

So not a good long weekend. Did my mid-week weighin this morning and lets just say that I am expecting a substancial gain this week. I mean I have to lose 2kg from today to have a 100g loss!

But we all have to relax every now and then or the stress would kill us. Am however feeling very motivated today after watching the new Biggest Loser last night. Wish I had access to a gym like them. I would use it at every available opportunity.

Have also just caught up on everyones journals. A big shout out to Paulene, who is doing absolutely awesome with her 12 week challenge. YOU ROCK GIRL!

Well just a short and sweet one today as I am at work at the moment. Just wanted to let you all know the state of play.

Until later
Bye

Yay, its Wednesday

2005-09-21T08:22:00.000+08:00

Well, decided to face up to everything and did my mid week weighin today (I know, only 2 days until final weighin but what the..) and I am at the same weight I was last Friday. I am so stoked. All the extra exercise and close tracking has paid off.

Yesterday afternoon, thought I might give my mum's stepper a go. She has brought it to my house so she can use it while looking after Bethany. Geez, I forgot what a workout they give you legs. So have now worked that into my daily routine. This morning I managed a quick 5mins. I am going to do little bits everytime I have some free time and try to work up my fitness on it so I can eventually do 30min sessions. There's more bonus points! Should have started it weeks ago.

So today and tomorrow I am going to work my big butt off to get as good a loss as I can. If I do end up with a loss, that will be 3 weeks in a row, haven't done that in ages. I actually can't wait to get home from work to do some exercise. OMG!

Well, just a short and sweet one from me today. Just wanted to let you all know where I'm at. Might post a couple of photos later from the Wiggles concert. Geez it was great. Bethany asked me this morning to go again, had to explain that the Wiggles have gone home now. She was so sad. Told her she would just have to wait until she sees HI-5 in December. She has more of a life than I do!

Until later
Bye

Word Verification

2005-09-19T10:44:00.000+08:00

Just quickly, like many of you, I have now had to put Word Verification on my comments. Hope it's not too much of a pain.

Not so pumped...bit deflated

2005-09-19T08:50:00.000+08:00

WOW what a weekend. Busy, busy, busy.

Friday was a bit disappointed with only a 200g loss after all the hard work I had been doing, but at least it was a loss.

Didn't do my normal free day kind of stuff. Had a small amount of baked beans on toast for breakfast (2.5pts). Picked up mum and the 3 of us did an hour walk around the Swan River in the city. Then went to the shops to make some payments on Christmas laybys. Had Subway for lunch, 6inch roast chicken (I even had tomato and cucumber, shock horror). Walked around the shops for 2 hours and then came home.

Saturday took Bethany to dancing and then to the WIGGLES concert. She absolutely loved it, as did her mum. Her mum took 216 photos (thanks to digital camera). Unfortunately the good work from the previous day was undone when the mighty WEST COAST EAGLES got into the AFL grand final and some serious partying was done.

Sunday went to visit the in-laws and persuaded everyone to have Subway for lunch (must be an addict now!) but got home so late that take-away was consumed for tea.

So this morning am feeling slightly blah! and am totally expecting a gain this week. Am not totally sure as I have not done my mid-week weighin. Infact, quite unlike me, I have not been on the scales since Saturday. I think I am a bit too scared at what I might see.

So am going to get back to action and do the best I can and just see what happens on Friday. Will have to be good again on Friday as we are off to the Perth Royal Show on Saturday. That involves a lot of walking which is good, but a lot of bad stuff to eat. At this stage, the plan is to take sandwiches for lunch, to avoid chips and stuff, but ever since I was a little girl, no matter if we didn't have much money for show bags and stuff, I always got a toffee apple, so don't know what might happen there.

Hope everyone is having a good start to their week. Here's to getting back to action.

Until later
Bye

So pumped!

2005-09-14T08:44:00.000+08:00

I don't know if it is all the water I've been drinking or the fact that I have been exercising the last 2 days but I am totally pumped this morning.

Both Monday and yesterday I have been doing crunches, squats and lunges when I get up in the morning and have also successfully managed 30min walks in the afternoons. Monday was a gentle one to get back in the swing of things but yesterdays was just awesome.

Peter was 20mins late home from work and I was dressed and ready to go as I was watching the rain clouds building. As soon as he was in the door I was out. Now I live on a big loop and doing 2 laps from my house takes around 30 mins (depending on my speed) and is 3kms. I started off at a normal steady pace but the clouds were getting darker and bigger. I had done just over 1 lap and was 17mins into my walk when I felt little spots. Kept going but totally picked up the pace because I wanted to be close to home if it started. With 25mins down and 2mins from home I knew it was going to start so sent Pete a SMS to bring out my rain coat. As the house came into sight I saw him standing out there but the rain started to so went into a jog. He was expecting me to come from the other way so I came up behind him, grabbed the jacket and kept jogging as I put it on and then slowed back into a walk with 3 mins left to go.

I felt so exhilerated. I ended up doing the best distance in my 30min with 2 laps and more. I walked the last 45 secs with my hood off, just enjoying the rain and feeling so good. I think it was just what I needed to get back into things.

Everyday I have increase the amount of crunches I do by 5. And yesterday I did my personal best with my lunges of 20 on each leg and 25 squats for the day.

Today my thighs felt the lunges I had done yesterdays so this morning I only did crunches and 10 squats. But when I got to work I thought whats the use in that. If I stopped everytime my body reacted to exercise I wouldn't be where I am today and while no-one was around I did 5 lunges on each leg. Will continue this throughout the day, so my body can adjust.

I am so determined to make the most of this challenge. I feel so motivated and actually quite awesome today that I just want to bottle this feeling to use on low days.

So that's about it for today. I will just leave you with a verse of one of my motivational songs on my MP3 that I walk to.

"I am a fighter!

I ain't gonna stop!

There is no turning back!

I've had enough!"

I CAN DO THIS

Until later

Bye

Walk thru the tulips

2005-09-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

Once again I have slipped back into the habit of not updating regularly. Must apologise and stop doing that. Friday my weighin was 74kg, a loss of 800g from Friday but most importantly a 2.1kg loss from Monday.

As you all know, I joined in Paulene's 12 week challenge on Monday so a good loss for the first week is just what I need.

Unfortunately I must confess my eating over the last 48 hours hasn't been the best. I started out with good intentions on Friday(my free day) with a low point breakky. Then we went shopping and I had intended to be back before lunch but the best laid plans and all... ended up having takeaway for lunch. Then Bethany begged me to bake muffins with her(we haven't done any cooking in so long) and the rest went from there. I know these sound like excuses but it's just what happened.

Today again had a low point breakky but then we took Bethany on a promised picnic. We took her to a place called Araluen Botanic Park. It was the place where Peter and I got married almost 7 years ago (15 days to go). During August to October they hold Springtime at Araluen when all the blooms come out. Mainly tulips and it looks so beautiful. We got there and went for a walk around the main area, kind of an easy bush walk. Then we walked down heaps of stairs to get to the main area, walked around there a bit and then caught their little train that takes you on about a 15 minute ride around. Then we walked up this massive hill to get to the car to get the picnic stuff. We had sandwiches for lunch (and had a few treats).

Then we did some more walking and lots of photo taking. Then it was time to go and I couldn't believe we had been there 3 hours. So although it wasn't consistant walk it was some exercise at least (especially that big hill, caring Bethany because she was "pooped")

Well tomorrow it is back to square one and I am raring to go. Just before I go here's a couple of photos of my little flower with the others.

Until later

Bye

Damn weather!

2005-09-07T08:55:00.000+08:00

Well here I am at day 3 and still motoring on quite well. Had 17.5 points yesterday and drank 500ml water. Am trying to reintroduce myself to water. I used to drink 2l a day. Have drank 500ml on both Monday and Tuesday this week and have already drank 500ml today, am aiming for 1l today.

Unfortunately we have had horrific weather here the last couple of days. I would prefer just rain to the really strong gales we have had. At least you can walk in the rain but I tried to walk yesterday and the wind just kept pushing me backwards more than I was going forwards so had to give up. The winds are supposed to ease tonight with showers tomorrow and becoming fine on Friday but rain due back for Sunday. So once the wind is gone, I should be able to manage a walk. It is so fustrating because I really, really want to do it.

TOM arrived yesterday and was really pleased that I managed the pains without resorting to eating any chocolate whatsoever until last night when I had a Nestle diet mousse.

Well just a short one today. A big thank you to those who left the comments I asked for regarding my shopping trip (see last entry) but would like more so anyone who hasn't yet are welcome to. You don't have to put your name against it if you don't want to but any inspiration would be appreciated.

Until later
Bye

Day 1, Week 1

2005-09-05T08:42:00.000+08:00

Well here goes folks. Spring is here and I have signed up for Paulene's 12 week challenge. I was a bit apprehensive at first (will explain more shortly) but have decided to give it a go.

Weighin on Friday gave me a 600g loss down to 74.8kg. Very happy with that considering my eating became quite disasterous again.

Now to explain why I have been so erratic over the last few weeks. I was certain that I was pregnant. I know I have said this before but I had nausea and dry reaching, constant dizziness. I got severe pains in the tummy if I wasn't eating every hour enough to make me gag, very sore boobies and even a case of thrush which I have never, ever had in my life before and I found out it can be caused by pregnancy. In fact I was certain right up until yesterday morning. My TOM is due today but I took a test yesterday and it was negative and I also started to lightly spot so am 98% sure I am not so I am going to throw myself back to weightloss.

But it raises a question. If I am lucky enough to get pg. I can't just throw everything away. I need to make myself a battle plan just in case.

Now back to the matter at hand. Yesterday I went for a 30min walk and also did 10min on my mother-in-law's exercise bike. Today shocking weather is due to hit but am going for a walk no matter what. Today is the first day of our challenge and I am not going to let a bit of rain stop me!

Finally I am asking for your help. Last week Kate mentioned about having a friend go shopping with her and helping her whenever she was tempted by naughty stuff. Now I am not that lucky but would like you all to help me. I need you to post a comment for me. Pretend you are shopping with me and I am reaching for a packet of Tim Tams or a block of Peppermint chocolate. What would you say to me? I am going to take all your messages, use my scrapbooking sticker maker and make myself a motivation tool to take with me. That way I can look at it whenever I am week to keep myself good. So Please help me!

So today is day 1, week 1 of the 12 week challenge. This mornings weighin was 76.1kg. Lets go!

I'm doin it!

2005-08-31T08:09:00.000+08:00

Well ever so slowly, I'm getting back to normal.

Monday, I did as I had planned. I had toast for breakfast. When the munchies came at work I had an apple, then a banana and then a low fat fruiche(good old dairy). Sandwich for lunch. Then I went for a walk. Yes you read that right. It was to see how far I could get in 30 mins or how fast I could go. In fact it was a pretty pathetic effort but I got my butt out and moving round for 30 mins. Then with tea I had a good serving of vegies.

Must say was feeling a little better yesterday after my efforts eventhough my flu is actually getting worse. So yesterday I tried to work on spacing out my eating again. Before I got sick I was eating every 3 hours. So a typical day was breakfast at 7.30, snack of fruit at 10.30, lunch at 1.30, snack at 4.30, dinner somewhere between 5.30 and 6.30 then dessert before 7.30, at least 2 hours before bed. I did it that way to help my metabolism.

So yesterday went well. Had breaky at 7.30. Started to get a bit woozy and lightheaded at 9.30 but struggled to hold out until 10.30 when I had a fruiche. Got home at 1.30 and had lunch, had a snack at 4.30, dinner at 6 and then dessert at 7ish. Unfortunately dessert consisted of 2 servings of WW Caramel Swirl Ice cream. I am just so addicted to it. So my eating could have been better but I am starting to reset my body clock anyhow.

Today I have brought strawberries, watermelon and pear to work to snack on. We went out yesterday and stocked up on fruit. Am actually hanging out to eat it.

So folks, I am getting back to normal, it is just going to take a lot of effort and patience, but I will get there.

Until later
Bye

Stuck in a rut!

2005-08-28T21:28:00.000+08:00

As the song goes, I'm stuck in a rut and I can't get out of it.

I have been sick for a week now and it is weighin me down in all aspects of the word. I have been so bad with my eating as I mentioned in my last post and am fairly low on energy that it is the simplist of meals at dinnertime, no matter what the points. I feel so light headed and get so dizzy that walking around the house is bad enough, without a planned 30 min walk, so haven't been exercising. I am constantly tired, like last night I had 9.5 hours sleep but woke up this morning feeling like I had had only 4.

I know that if I get back into the swing of eating well, my energy will pick up, allowing me to go for walks and making me feel better but because I am having trouble shaking this, it seems so hard.

Weighin on Friday saw a fairly large gain, as I had predicted, of 2.5kg, springing me back to 75.4kg. Can't say I'm surprised.

Tomorrow I am going to try and eat as many fruits and vegies as possible. Maybe filling myself with totally good stuff will give me a kick start. I have actually planned on doing that every day for the last 4 days but once the day comes, I am so cloudy in the head and woozy that I grab the first thing available. But tomorrow I will go out of my way, no matter what.

Well confession is over and it's time to make yet another new start. A big thankyou for all of your supportive comments. It really helps to know that I am not truely evil for going off course.

Until later (hopefully less cloudy)

Bye

Excuses, excuses

2005-08-25T08:50:00.000+08:00

Firstly, sorry for the absence. Didn't have the best of weekends and the week didn't start much better so have been feeling sorry for myself not doing much to aid my weightloss.

Then I get online this morning to catch up and find a few people having a much worse time than I am and I feel rather pathetic about my actions over the last few days.

Weighin Friday was great with the scales rewarding my hard work with 72.9kg, finally out of the 73's. Friday was spent working with mum trying to finish my nephew's scrapbook album for his 18th on Saturday. We finished it Saturday morning, before we had to leave.

After Bethany's dance class on Saturday, it was off to my brother's house. Party started great but then issues arose that I won't go into great detail about (incase others are reading) but came home feeling quite miserable and junk food followed for dinner.

Was still feeling fairly low on Sunday, so didn't bother to get off my big fat bum and do any exercise or plan any eating. This set the trend for the last 3 days also. Have now not exercised for over a week.

So am expecting quite a substancial gain for tomorrow and I have no one to blame but myself. Am trying to get back on track today but am still feeling fairly low but must think that if the others out there that are having 200 times worse problems than me can keep going, I should too.

So here I am, trying at least.

Just before I go, a quick note to Karen. I feel so useless being so far away from you and all my love is with you.
There is so little we can do to help you bear your sorrow...
There is so little we can say to help you through tomorrow...
But may these few words comfort you and let you know somehow
Our heartfelt thoughts and sympathy are there with you right now

Until later
Bye

"I hate horizontal stripes!"

2005-08-18T08:35:00.000+08:00

I have always said that to Peter whenever I was looking at tops in the shops. "They make me look fat and make my belly look bigger"

And guess what. I bought a top yesterday with horizontal stripes. It was also a size small. I had gone looking for a warm top as it is only going to be 14 today and all my jumpers are still wet, with all this yukky weather they are taking ages to dry.

So mum and I nicked to the shop to buy one to wear to work today. There weren't alot left as all the winter stock is being cleared out. But I saw this top and I said to mum "I'll give it a go" and I liked it. I also bought another top but that was cooler with 3/4 sleeves as they had a 2 for $20 clearance rack.

I'll get someone to take a photo and post it.

On the fruit front, all the prices have jumped significantly since last week. I have bought some apples and strawberries for now and will hit the markets tomorrow to get some cheap stuff. Had one of the apples on the way to work this morning and it was delish. Really crunchy and juicy. YUM!

Didn't manage a walk yesterday, which was disappointing. That's 2 days now. The weather is supposed to ease this arvo so should be able to get one today and it is supposed to be fine tomorrow, right through to next week, so that is good. Have continued my morning exercises though. In fact yesterday I was on my own (my boss, who is only 26 had a miscarrage on Monday, she was 11 weeks gone.) so every now and then I would stand up and do 10 squats at my desk. Managed to do 50 yesterday.

Well just a quick one today. Hope everyone is well.

Until later
Bye

Out of fruit!

2005-08-17T08:24:00.000+08:00

I am so annoyed. I discovered this morning that we are out of fruit. I did our food shopping yesterday but had no idea that we were even low. Then my darling husband explains that he has been taking 2-3 pieces a day, to cut down on eating naughty stuff. So must nick to the shop today to get more.

Am still sticking to points well although didn't get to go for a walk yesterday as it was hail, thundering and blowing a gale. It felt weird not going as I have been everyday for a week. Did still do my morning exercises though. Even did more squats at the office when no one was around.

Forgot to do my mid-week weigh-in on Monday so snuck a peak yesterday and am happy to report that the scales are down.

Oh, almost forgot to mention some good news. On Saturday, while Bethany was dancing, Pete & I went to KMart, just to look around on our own. I like the look of the new style gypsy skirts that are out for summer as they are a bit flarey, which is good for people with big legs. So I told Pete I was going to try one on and though, "What the hell, I'll try a size 12". Anyhoo, took it in, put it on and it was too big around the waist. OMG! I felt totally elated. So got dressed again and ran out to grab a 10, just to see if it would fit, and they had none! So fustrating. I would have been able to tell people I actually tried on a piece of size 10 clothing. Can't remember ever doing that!

Well thats about it for today. They are predicting the same sort of weather today so may not be able to go for a walk again. I really want too, so might just have to tackle the gale force winds. Now that's dedication (or stupidity).

Until later
Bye

Just quickly

2005-08-15T11:07:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I know I've already updated today but was inspired to complete the following as listed on Jule'swebsite.

List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog.
1. "Fighter" - Christina Aguleria
2. "Sit on My Knee" - Jimmy Barnes and Dallas Crane
3. "Left outside Alone" - Anastacia
4. "Mistaken Identity" - Delta Goodrem
5. "Romeo and Juliet" - Dire Straits
6. "My Perogative" - Brittney Spears
7. "Pour some sugar on me" - Def Lepard
8. "Something for the pain" - Bon Jovi
9. "Bad Day" - Daniel Powter
10. "Incomplete" - Backstreet Boys (No snide comments please)

I also thought I would do Bethany's as everytime we are in the car or watching TV and one of these songs come on she says "That's my favourite song". She drives us batty!

1. "Someday" - Thirsty Merc
2. "Hazel Eyes" - Kelly Clarkson
3. "Switch" - Will Smith
4. "Voodoo Child" - Rouge Traders
5. "Holiday" - Green Day
6. "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Stefani
7. "Ass like that" - Eminem
8. "Girl" - Destiny's Child
9. "Almost Here" - Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden
10. "Crazy in Love" - Beyonce
She has a wide taste in music!!!!

Still Motivated

2005-08-15T08:26:00.000+08:00

Well the momentum is still with me. As I mentioned in my last update, I went for a walk on my "free" day. Then Saturday morning I rushed off to do a 30min walk before taking Bethany to dance class. As I stepped out the door it started to rain. I turned around and went back into the house! Pete asked what was wrong and I told him it was raining and I was grabbing my coat. Put it on and went back out. Was soooo pleased with myself. The rain wasn't that hard and it wasn't really cold. In fact I got quite warm walking in that thick, heavy coat. With about 9mins to go the rain stopped and the sun came out so took the jacket off, tied it around my waist and really pushed it. It felt soooo good.

Yesterday morning I said to Pete, "might have a break today". We went out for a bit then came home to do some cleaning. At about 4.30 I said to Pete, "I'm going for a walk, I'll start dinner when I get home" and went. I am so proud of myself. I have now been for a walk for the last 6 days straight. Haven't done that in absolutely ages.

Today they are saying cloudy with showers developing in the afternoon, but I am going for a walk again, unless it is blowing a gale or hailing. This morning when I got up I even did my crunches, push-ups, squats and lunges. It's been months since I did that too.

So I think I have caught a case of Kate's beans. I just hope I can keep it up this time.

Until later
Bye

Good Result

2005-08-12T12:42:00.000+08:00

Well weighin this morning showed a 800g loss, down to 74kg. Am very happy with that, considering Monday morning I was 76.1. Geez, I must have lost a lot of fluid in the last 4 days!

Today is free day and I am please to say that I am not going silly. We are planning pizza for dinner so I am trying to be good this morning. I even went for my 30min walk! In the time I have been having free day, I have never done any exercise. But this morning it was such a beautiful sunny morning and I knew that thunderstorms were forecast for this afternoon, that at 7.50am (yes that early) I threw on my trackies and my sneakers and was out the door before I could stop myself.

So am feeling very pleased with myself.

It is interesting now, having the tracker on my actual journal. I now know that a lot more people read my journal than I actually thought, a lot of you must be silent readers. So that now gives me more of an incentive to do more regular updates than I have been. Thanks everyone.

Well thats about all for today. Bethany is having a nap, so might get a bit of cleaning done, or just have a general veg.

Hope everyone is feeling good.

Until later
Bye

Fresh New Start

2005-08-11T12:07:00.000+08:00

Well here I am. New start, New me.

Have been working on this for about a day now and am pretty happy with the layout although I still have a lot to learn. Like where my stats are I can't make them different colours but I will learn.

I have also had problems with my photo in my profile. It keeps stretching it or the pixels go funny but I'll get there in the end. If anyone has some tips, I would very much appreciate some help.

Weightwise, I am feeling great. Used 16pts yesterday and went for 30min walk. My pace was much better than Tuesday. Am going again today too, that'll make 4 walks this week. Geez, if I hadn't got so bloated I may have weighed in at the low end of 70. Ah well, these things are sent to try us.

Well, just a quick note to let you all know that I am now on blogspot and totally on track.

Until later
Bye

Trying to get this to work

2005-08-10T08:27:00.000+08:00

I just cant get this photo to work